Our Callings

I am super tired right now and yet my body and mind feel that I should be up and writing in my "journal". I am going to blame the fact that my writing is not that great on the fact that I am really tired. For some time now, two months really, I have been primary president. The week that I was called was a very interesting week. I accepted the call and went to work praying about my counselors. Crazy thing, when the adversary does not want you to do something he makes it known! That week was an extremely dark week. I thought that when they called my name to be sustained, I felt people would laugh. I am younger than my counselors and a lot of people in the ward. They have so much wisdom and I really think I should be learning from them. I honestly stood up and waited for the laughter to begin. Luckily, nothing! That day my ward was extremely supportive and gave me such great encouragement. I had nothing left to fear, right? Wrong! Yet another week of darkness. I have never had more people tell me to give up and tell the bishop that because I was starting nursing school in the fall that I needed to be released. I would serve for three months and do the best I could but that I needed to give it up. The pit in my stomach grew larger and again, darkness. As soon as I prayed again about this calling, I knew it was the right thing to do. I would have to tell the "peanut gallery" that I was grateful for their wisdom but that I trusted Heavenly Father's faith in me and that's all I needed.

My poor counselors! The first meeting we had I burst into tears thinking that I could not do this. Seriously, they probably thought I was going to cry like this at every meeting. Luckily for them, it has only happened once! At this point I had yet to be set apart. That next Sunday, I marched myself to the bishop's office and asked to be set apart. I needed it! My friend told me she saw how nervous I was to accept this calling with all I had on my plate and yet after I was set apart she said that she saw the mantel of president on my shoulders and things changed. Yes, things did change. I was less nervous and I had the determination to go forward with faith. The darkness was completely gone and I was now sustained and set apart as the primary president.

It's interesting how Heavenly Father gives you different challenges in life and allows you to either accept the challenge, allow Him to mold you and make the best of it. He wants us to succeed and gives us tools in order for us to do so. I have amazing counselors. I tell them almost everyday how grateful I am for their support. Their attitudes of selflessness often puts me to shame.

As I was reading the scriptures tonight I was thinking of how we often accept callings or are given trials that are hard. At the beginning we moan and groan about how difficult our life may be. Yet after a few weeks, months or years, we realize that our lives would be less fulfilled without everything we have faced. I tell ya, after all that our family has faced, I am ready for my challenges to slow down. However, I know that Heavenly Father knows what He is doing. I know that he calls us to do things at times we didn't think were the best. Such as now. I am a mom, a wife, a friend, a primary president, and a nursing student. It's a little over whelming to think about it. However, after a beautiful blessing from Tom, my eyes have truly been opened to Heavenly Father's merciful hand in our lives. I am more grateful for everything! For every meal, for every pay check we receive (we have been without that before and are very happy when it comes every two weeks!), for every extra job that Tom is doing to build up his Landscape Architecture Firm, for every break through that I have with one of my primary kids, for every super great sharing time that I have with all the primary kids, for every minute I have with my family and for every time or conversation I have with a great friend. We are truly blessed!!

Callings are for our good. They make us grow. They shape us. They help build our character. I still wonder sometimes, "Why me?" There were/are several women in the ward that would have rocked it as primary president! However, I know that our Father in Heaven knows what we need in our lives at the exact time that we need it and then I think, "Thank you for choosing me!" I have loved every minute of it and I am truly grateful for the blessings that we have received because of the calling. I know that this calling can and will help me to be a better mom, teacher and student. For this, I will always be grateful.